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10 Things To Have Happen At The Movies

With the end-of-the-year movie push going on, what sorts of things could happened to the clued-in when they go to the movies?

1) With a successful awareness/spot/whatever check, someone notices that there’s ashes mixed in with their popcorn. If they know about ‘canibal corn’ (or find out about it later), they take a Rank-4 Self check.

2) The geek in front of you with the fake elf ears at the Lord of the Rings premiere? He’s talking to much. The best revenge woudl be to yank off those fake ear tips. Of course, when you do so, they start to bleed…

3) Yes, there’s dried gum on the bottom of your seat. It’s holding the three rodent skulls on. Each with a Thanatomancer delayed blast.

4) The urinal cakes in the westernmost men’s room are edible and will provide an entire year free from aging, provided you go see a movie that doesn’t win any awards today.

5) For the right people, the cashier at the ticket counter can also print up airplane, train, and cruise ship tickets.

6) Go to the dollar theater, you know, the cheap one that shows movies that’re coming out on DVD next week, or came out last week. Go see that movie that really bombed. If you’re the only one in the theater, the projectionist just might show you a coming attraction about a serial killer who stalks lone moviegoers.

7) Did you just see ‘Script consultant: Dirk Allen’ on the screen?

8) Some pervert in a trenchcoat in the back of the theater is, erm… well, you know. The odd thing is, the movie reflected in his eyes isn’t the one on the screen, but something much more adult-oriented.

9) With a good Soul check, you can see the subliminal images of demons in the movie. Wiht a bad one, you get posessed along wit hthe rest of the audience.

10) The movie turns out to be a remake of It’s A Wonderful Life, and the main character appears to be based on you. At the end of the movie, the usher comes in and asks you to stay for the next screening, compliments of the Theater of Renunciation.

13 thoughts on “10 Things To Have Happen At The Movies

  1. Sonnlich says:

    “Cannibal corn”?

    Reply
  2. Fengol from South Africa says:

    try an swop a used ticket stub with someone who watched a different movie the same time as you. You’ll have thier memories of the last 24 hours and they’ll have yours up into and including the movie.

    Reply
  3. Tim Bisaillon says:

    Mmmmmmm. Soylent…. er… Canibal Corn.

    Reply
  4. deathmonkey says:

    popcorn that…uh…eats…other popcorn…?

    Reply
  5. InfinityWpi says:

    ‘Cannibal Corn’ — Urban legend where a disgruntled employee claims ot have mixed the cremated remains of a human being in with the corn before it’s popped. Thus, all who eat that popcorn are also eating the remains of a human being.

    Now, who wants to turn this into part of a proxy ritual?

    Reply
  6. Mr Unlucky says:

    … tempting. OK, I’ll bite.

    Remove fingernails, with either pliers or nailclippers (personal tastes run both directions), wraps of your own hair around a length of a severed toe, and incinerate in a metal container no larger than four inches across, filled to the halfway point with either liposuctioned or otherwise removed, fat from your body. Boil it until it catches fire, and use blood to quench the flames. After completing the grisly cooking ritual, set the remainder on fire with a trio of wooden stick matches, while muttering the word for ‘eat’ in as many languages as you can in a single breath (seven minimum). Once it is completely ashen, sprinkle into any foodstuff containing corn that your chosen victim will consume in the next twenty-four hours.

    Once it is eaten, in whole or in part, the victim will experience everything you do, physically, and you will feel no more ill-effects than a Helplessness-3 check, or Violence-2 if is in some fashion disfiguring.

    Any wounds suffered are transferred to your intend target, until they either pass out from the pain, or are slain outright. In the interim, you suffer a -25% shift to your Wounds. However, should your target experience happiness or an orgasm, you will suffer paroxysms of pain best described as hellish, or torturous (Helplessness-8, Violence-6 checks required).

    This ritual was successfully employed by six popcorn vendors at the recent showings of ‘Gigli’.

    Twice.

    Reply
  7. deathmonkey says:

    and i thought all the writhing in pain was from the movie!

    Reply
  8. PeterAmthor says:

    My mind is stumbling right now but I am thinking a ritual more along the basic lines like this.

    Mix a teaspoon of the ashes into popcorn mix. Let it be consumed by the unknowing crowd of moviegoers. Roughly five and half hours later enter the theatre screening room in which the popcorn was ate. In the dark ask a question about the deceased person outloud to the room and turn around twice then set down. The projector will turn on and you will see the answer to your question played out before you as if someone taped it.

    Might have to bulk that up some more to add more twist to it though.

    Just my random thoughts.

    Reply
  9. deathmonkey says:

    and where’s that grubby projectionist who always wears black? probably getting high on heroine again.

    Reply
  10. Sir Cabhán says:

    Why is there always one slightly overweight blonde among the ushers? She’s the one with the glasses and the uncanny knowledge of the entire plots of every movie that has shown since she’s worked in cinemas…

    Listen to her long enough and you will se the basic webs underlying every plot of every movie that has ever been made or will be made. This will ruin movies for you, but wil teach you to see the plots of peoples’ lives, as like in the movies, there are only so many life-plots” to go around.

    Sir Cabhán.

    Reply
  11. Wiretrippa says:

    See that guy over there by the concession stand?
    He wrote that movie that came out last week. The freaky-ass hand-held camera one that most people are calling a two-bit rip-off of the Blair Witch Project, and a few people are coming out of looking like they’ve just seen a toddler get hit by a train. He’s actually rid himself of a horrible recurring nightmare he had by weaving bits of a ritual into the script.
    Unfortunately, now his little bad dream is loose on the minds of the american public. Bad dreams are tailored to each one of us by our own subconscious, a way of allowing us to face the evil that lies inside. This fucker just blew his own darkside clear, and now it’s happily making a home inside the occasional viewer.
    What’s that? What happens when you dream someone ELSE’s bad dream? When their nightmares become yours?
    Ask that guy behind you….

    Reply
  12. remial says:

    the ritual that Mr Unlucky happened to me when I saw Gigli. it was more fun then the movie…

    Reply
  13. Hotel Detective says:

    Rather simple one:

    A plutophage plucks that damn cellphone out of your hand and eats it like a candy bar.

    Reply

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