Three artifacts of questionable utility.

The Friendly Specs:
Significant Artifact
Description:
A pair of thick-rimmed glasses, such as were popular in the 1960s, with an extremely strong prescription. Otherwise the glasses are unremarkable but for the fact that anyone attacking the wearer finds it impossible to hit them in the face. This is not quite as effective a protection as it sounds – the glasses don’t even protect the back of the wearer’s head – but it helps. Unfortunately, the prescription makes everything very difficult to see, and can cause dizziness and headaches after a while.

Mechanically, the Friendly Specs flip-flop any successful hand-to-hand attack roll between 11 and 22, but provide a 25% penalty to rolls where precise or long-distance vision is important (walking around or even punching somebody is probably fine, but driving or reading are going to be difficult), and require a Body roll every hour to avoid feeling sick.

The Inflatable Chauffeur:
Minor Clockwork
Description:

The Inflatable Chauffeur comes packed into a standard briefcase, along with a very small tank of compressed air, and resembles an oddly-realistic male blow-up doll wearing jeans and a long shirt. When deflated, odd segments and cabling can be felt through the plastic; the words, “THIS END DOWN” are written on the seat of its pants in black magic marker, and the intake valve (located on its left hip) is marked.

To activate the Chauffeur, it must be unfolded correctly in the driver’s seat and inflated (doing so without the compressed air cylinder is unusually difficult, as a small turbine in the valve winds the Chauffeur’s occult mechanism). Once this is done, the doll can drive any car in which it is placed, manual or automatic, either according to simple instructions (“Follow that silver Lexus!”) or by pointing out the desired destination in a printed street directory (it is incapable of following directions from a GPS, even audible ones). The doll obeys all local traffic laws but otherwise makes its way to its destination as quickly as possible.

Note that the doll resembles a regular human only slightly more than your average blow-up doll; Dukes wanting to use it in the day time typically put it in a jacket, hat and sunglasses and hope nobody gets too close.

Stats: (Minor Clockwork)

Body: 5 (Blow-up Doll)
Speed: 25 (suitable)
Initiative: 12
Law-Abiding Driver: 30

Doug Brannon’s Gun:
Significant Artifact
Description:

Doug Brannon’s Gun is a snub-nosed revolver, a typical Saturday Night Special in all respects save one: It shoots signatures.

More correctly, it shoots Doug Brannon’s signature, whoever the hell he is. Load the bullet, pull the trigger, and boom: Doug Brannon, written wherever the bullet was meant to go. On a regular success, it’s written in regular biro ink; on a critical, the area hit is permanently recoloured. Other than that, it makes bullets disappear.