The Great Wall of China was supposedly built to stop a nomadic army, took centuries to complete, and has numerous holes in its defenses. Yeah, right. So why was it really built?

Look, I have all these surveys right here and I talked to a couple of Chinese officials so I know what I am talking about okay?

See, I was finishing my senior Architecture thesis at Mississippi State and I decided to work on the intracacies of the Great Wall. It was damned difficult getting worthwhile information out there in the middle of nowehere so I took a year off, some of mom’s money, learned some Mandarin and flew out to Inner Mongolia. In retrospect I probably should have planned a bit better, but I was young and ambitious then.

So I am there, soaking in the culture, walking the Wall, and generally getting all these broken, second-hand legends about the Wall. Most of them just focused on dead ancestors still guarding against the Mongols, or some poor asshole who worked as a slave all their life and was sacrificed by the administration to the spirit of the Wall… you know, standard type stuff you see on the History Channel.

I’ve never been a big military buff, but something bothered me the whole time I was walking the Wall, especially as I got out into the stretches of the Taklakmakan.

The Wall isn’t.

What I mean is that there are a lot of stretches where the Wall is not connected to itself, more like a series of walls in a tiered fashion. Now, if the Great Wall is supposed to stop an invading army- a nomadic invading army- why all the holes? Moreover, it took a freaking long time to build. You ever read that farside comic with the first Mongol running into the Wall? Yeah, well, it was pretty funny, and I think that Larson guy had it right.

Nomadic armies strike quickly, that is the whole reason for being mounted and nomadic right? So what the hell were the Chinese thinking when they decided to invest a shit pile of money, manpower and time into a wall. The Mongols beat down the castles of Europe, surely the Chinese did not think 10 feet tall of stone and peasant crap was going to stop a determined Mongol invading force. Hell, even as a stopgap measure to help warn the rest of China it would only be marginally useful… might as well not build the wall at all… a few outposts with warning fires would do the trick.

So why the hell did the Chinese build the freaking thing?

I think I know. I got it in a dream after I finished my thesis while I was talking with one of my friends. This friend is one of those guys that knows things, you know? He is just clued into to pop culture, and history, and all sorts of stuff like no one else. So, we were talking and he started rambling about that Feng Shui crap and Chinese sacred geometry and all sorts of esoteric shit that escapes me and I could not recount to you even if I tried.

But he said a couple of things about walls that I found real interesting and I started thinking.

I think the Chinese somehow devined the future. They knew the Mongols were bad, but that there were going to be other baddies down the line that would be a greater threat- a threat that a mystic wall might be able to thwart. So, they spent those shit loads of money and time and manpower to build the wall as an insurance policy against the Soviets.

Yeah, the Soviets. Look at the Wall, now go find a map of late 70s Soviet influence. See how the two match up? Can’t be a coincidence. The way I hear it, the Chinese during the cold war hated the Americans, but absolutely despised the Soviets… something to do with Mao and Stalin I think.

Somehow, someway the ancient Chinese figured out that given an even chance the Societs would lay waste to China and all the old dynasties worked so hard for. No, I do not know how… just keep with me on this… I swear to God it will all make sense.

So they build the wall, lace it with the dead bodies of all those slaves they sacrificed, and used the power of those souls and that sacred geometry stuff and built some big ole’ Anti-Ruskie repellant.

Think about it, the Soviets were all about the paranormal and psi stuff and cray shit like that. I saw a show on Discovery a few weeks back about remote viewing and other craziness and I just knew that I was right. The Great Wall- not useful one bit in the real world, must have some other reason to exist- and I will bet my balls that it was never so useful than during the Cold War. It was used to stop all that Russian psi stuff they were doing. The Wall acted as a big paranormal curtain, stopping any of that weird shit getting from Russia into China.

I’ve got a friend working an an intern in Congress and they got me all sorts of papers that were declassified during the Clinton presidency, before 9-11 closed all the intereting stuff up again. All the papers dealt with what we found out about the Soviets and Chinese and their paranormal experiments. Lots of stuff on UFOs and crowd control and telepathy… all pretty interesting, y’know? But I looked all through it and not one bit of it discussed Soviet psi work against the Chinese. The Soviets did all sorts of stuff against us, but not a blessed thing against the Chinese. Now, if they hated each other so much, why not direct some of those paranormal experiments down to the Chinese? The Great Wall, that is why. It created some kinda force field that stopped the Reds from doing all their weird shit on the Chinese people.

The Chinese are an old civilization, they are clued into stuff like this, that is how they knew centuries before hand about the Soviets and what to do to stop their paranormal stuff from hurting the Chinese. Yeah, the Chinese with their folk medicene and magic and shit, they knew.

I swear to God, it all makes sense if you think about it in the big picture. Forget time and crap like that, think about it logically and you will see what I mean.

….

My friend, the one that knew about Feng Shui? What’s his name? … Shit man, I can’t remember. I swear to God it is on the tip of my tongue though. Forget about it, it doesn’t matter, it doesn;t change the fact that the Wall was never for the Mongols, it just don’t make sense that way.